


kiss it better

by comelycliche



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, But it could be worse, M/M, Not A Lot Of Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 16:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7321657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comelycliche/pseuds/comelycliche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Spanish GP 2016. Lewis tries to confront Nico about their crash. Their relationship isn't what it used to be, but some things can't be left in the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	kiss it better

Lewis cornered Nico in a hallway as soon as the meeting was over. There was nothing left for the team to do other than clean everything up and go home, so everyone poured outside or to the nearest TV screens to catch the rest of the race, but Lewis only had Nico on his mind. As he approached his teammate, Nico’s eyes were locked on the ground. They hadn’t made eye contact since before the race, and while that wasn’t unusual for them, not anymore, it was always unnerving. A world in which he and Nico struggled to even look into each other’s eyes was not a world Lewis could ever get used to.

“We should talk,” Lewis said. It was difficult to get the words out, and he suddenly worried about Nico’s reaction.

“I thought we just did,” Nico replied coldly, even though they had said nothing to each other throughout the entire debriefing. They had answered all the questions from the team, but any and all interaction with each other had been avoided, and the team hadn’t pressured them into forced reconciliation either.

Despite his protests, Nico opened the closest door to an empty room and led them both inside. Lewis closed the door behind them and turned to Nico, ready to face his teammate.

Nico’s eyes were fixed on something next to Lewis’ left shoulder, but Lewis finally got a good look on the person in the entire racing circus, maybe even in all of his life, that he cared the most about. He could see a whole range of emotions going through Nico, from the thin line of his mouth to his narrowed eyes and tense shoulders. There was anger and disappointment, but also a hint of shame.

Nico slowly moved his head to the right, and after over an hour of built up tension, their eyes finally met.

They stayed like that for a couple of seconds, and then Nico closed his eyes. Lewis took a couple of steps forward, and though Nico surely must have heard his feet moving, he didn’t react. Lewis couldn’t stand to see the defeated look on his face. Last year it had become all too permanent. As much as he had hated his bad luck these first few months of the season, he always momentarily forgot the disappointment when he saw Nico’s face light up on the podium.

Lewis hoped Nico got the same feeling when it was him on the podium. He used to, Lewis knew that. It had been one of the many things they talked about, back when they still talked about their feelings, when everything wasn’t so damn complicated.

This thing between them wasn’t even a relationship anymore. It had been, once, with hand-holding and dates and even stupid pet names that had started ironically, but eventually became a habit. Now he couldn’t even remember the last time they shared anything more than quick and quiet kisses, meant to comfort the other after disappointing races or reward them after good races. They’d slept together just once this year, before the season even started, before they were yet again reminded how painful everything was. Win or lose, it no longer felt natural to visit the other man’s room at night. For some reason the kissing was the only aspect of their old relationship they had left.

On good days Lewis managed to think rationally. If Nico couldn’t deal with losing the championships to him, that was on Nico. Lewis couldn’t stop racing because it was hurting Nico’s feelings. But on most days he just hated himself bitterly for the rift he had managed to cause between them.

Lewis reached up and put his hand on Nico’s neck. Nico’s eyelids fluttered, and he didn’t open his eyes, but Lewis could see his muscles relaxing. Lewis brought his face closer and closer to Nico, until their temples were touching, and then their noses, and Lewis could feel Nico’s uneven breath on his face. Lewis could suddenly hear the faint roaring of the crowd in the background. The race must be finished. Lewis briefly wondered who won, but just in that moment Nico moved his head and their lips touched, and Lewis couldn’t even have remembered who was in the lead the last time he checked if he had tried.

The kiss was painfully slow, but Lewis didn’t do anything to hurry it up. He didn’t want to ruin this moment, not when Nico seemed to finally be calming down. Nico gently moved his lips and Lewis opened his mouth a little more, allowing Nico to slip his tongue in. Lewis started stroking the nape of the other man’s neck and gently touched his curls. With his free hand he found Nico’s hand and tangled their fingers together. He could feel Nico’s reluctant smile on his mouth, and for a second the crash was completely forgotten.

Lewis still dreamt about how the other man would whisper love declarations into his skin in several different languages. He desperately wanted to hear him say them again. _Ich liebe dich, a kiss on his temple. Te amo, a kiss on his stomach. Tesoro mio, a kiss on his inner thigh._

And then Nico stepped back, and the moment was over. Maybe Lewis one day will hear Nico tell him how much he loves him in five languages and then some again, but it won’t be today.

Lewis could feel panic creeping up on him, because he didn’t want to fight, he didn’t want Nico to be angry with him. His life had been a rollercoaster with people always fleeting in and out of it, but through all of it, Nico had been the one constant. The crash was bad enough; he didn’t want them to start throwing insults at each other.

“We should get back,” Lewis said, even though they had been in the room less than five minutes, and the only people who could possibly be missing them were the reporters who were dying to ask them about the retirement. He moved backwards towards the door, and he had one hand on the door handle when Nico spoke.

”I thought you wanted to talk.”

Lewis let out a quiet laugh, but it was devoid of any humor. Truthfully, he had no idea what he wanted to say to Nico, he had just wanted to get him alone, to see where they stood. And now he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. Getting angry wouldn’t solve anything. Saying sorry wouldn’t mean anything. They were both blaming each other, no _sorry_ could fix that.

”Let’s just… agree to not do that again, yeah?”

Nico smiled, and Lewis couldn’t help how his heart skipped a beat at the sight.

“The kissing or the crashing?” Nico asked, almost teasingly, but with a hint of insecurity.

It took Lewis a moment to reply. He had meant the crashing, but really, shouldn’t they stop the kissing too? It was painful and awkward, and the kisses never led anywhere. What good was it doing them, clinging on to the past like that? But Lewis knew he wasn’t in the right headspace to change his mind on the spot and suddenly mean the kissing.

Instead of saying anything, Lewis let go of the door handle and reached up and put both of his arms around Nico’s neck, and kissed the other man.

Lewis had meant for the kiss to be quick and reassuring, but Nico clearly had other plans. In one quick move he snuck both arms around Lewis’ waist and backed him into the door. While the other kiss had been slow and calm, with the only body parts touching being their hands and their lips, this was rougher and more intense.

Nico pressed his whole weight against Lewis. Lewis could feel Nico’s hands between the door and his lower back, but they didn’t wander further down. It’s like there was this barrier between kissing and doing anything else intimate that Nico refused to cross. Still, that barrier didn’t stop Nico from trying to get a reaction from Lewis, who moaned ad Nico bit down on his lip.

Just before Lewis’ knees were about to give out out, they broke apart to breathe. Lewis lowered his head to rest it on Nico’s shoulder. Nico whispered something in his ears, and Lewis wasn’t fluent in German, but he understood enough to know that Nico was thanking him.

Thanking him for not meaning the kissing when he suggested they should agree to never crash again.

Thanking him for not letting go.

None of them knew if they would ever go back to being as in love as they once were. Maybe they would never share a bed again. Maybe their last kiss was right around the corner. But Lewis was not a quitter, and he was not ready to give up that fight yet.

And for that, Nico was thankful.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for this fandom, named after the Rihanna song. This doesn't have a lot of plot, but I needed to write down all of my Lewis/Nico thoughts. These two kill me. I started writing this after the Grand Prix, but I forgot about it and didn't finish it before today. Happy birthday Nico! I hope you don't read this.
> 
> (English isn't my first language, but I tried ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. And I changed the tense this was written in like three times, so it probably doesn't make sense any more.)


End file.
